PTSD is generally defined as unwanted: actions, reactions, and emotions that negatively affect a person’s life over long periods of time and it can be acquired in a multitude of ways. The obvious causes are war, child abuse, domestic violence, and rape, but you can also get it from a car accident, miscarriage, live birth, dog bite, bee sting, or even being stuck in an elevator. Although these things are very different and can cause different long-term effects, there is one thing they all have in common. The person affected was in “flight or fight” when the memory was created. If you have not studied the fight or flight phenomenon, you might want to. It is also known as acute stress response. It was first described by Walter Bradford Cannon.

     Over time and further study ‘Freeze’ was added to fight or flight. This was added because it is also a self-protection reaction only this one has no controls and runs through a different set of synapses. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze  “Fight-flight-freeze isn’t a conscious decision. It’s an automatic reaction, so you can’t control it.”

The article goes on:

     “ The fear is conditioned, which means you’ve associated a situation or thing with negative experiences. This psychological response is initiated when you’re first exposed to the situation and develops over time.

     The thing that you’re scared of is called a perceived threat, or something you consider to be dangerous. Perceived threats are different for each person.

     When you’re faced with a perceived threat, your brain thinks you’re in danger. That’s because it already considers the situation to be life threatening. As a result, your body automatically reacts with the fight-flight-freeze response to keep you safe.”        

     Further studies on reactions to trauma have added “Fawn” and “Flop” to the list making it five F’s (5F’s). Flop, is basically an aggravated case of freeze. Where the entire body completely shuts down, such as passing out. Myself and other trauma survivors often end the description of the event with….when I woke up, or …then the next think I knew____. To “Fawn” refers to negotiating with the perceived threat. This would be like offering a mugger your car if they promise not to hurt you, or your loved one. Likewise rape victims often promise to stay quiet if the rapist leaves everyone else in the house alone.

Here is an article you might find interesting:

     “What is the fight, flight, or freeze response?” In Medical news today, written by Mary West on July 28, 2021, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/fight-flight-or-freeze-response#examples

     PTSD is when something happens that reminds your brain of a different time that you were in danger. This triggers your autonomic nervous system (ANS), to react as if the danger is happening at that moment.

     There are countless books, studies, scientific journals, and theories about PTSD and 5F’s. I could realistically write a book about these books and give you long lists of things to read. However, most of these are boring, and you might need a Latin dictionary to wade through them. I am going to try and explain them simply and with examples. The front runner of PTSD in the subconscious is called the amygdala. This section of the brain collects its own information during an event but in an ‘associative’ way. It records things like how you felt when you smelled fresh cookies being baked. This in turn tells your body how to react. Ideally, there will be a copy of the information filed in your conscious brain or frontal lobes. For some of us, the fracture caused by trauma was bad enough that the recording of events only ended up in the amygdala. This puts our emotions in charge of our response instead of the reasoning section of our brain. This is where the PTSD responses come from.

     Generally speaking, the event that you are having long-term effects from caused a raised heart rate, a flushing of your skin, and an emotional and potentially physical response. The fear may be for someone else and/or yourself. When those memories were created, they were placed in the section of your brain that controls those responses. A ‘trigger’ or reminder of that moment puts our body into the same frame it was in during the event. When we have a duplicate memory of the moment in our frontal lobes we can behave rationally and work through the moment. When the memory was not duplicated (extreme emotion), or we trained our brain to erase the path to the memory (I just need to forget this), our association center or amygdala is in charge of the reaction.

Healthline did a good piece on the “Amygdala Hijack.” https://www.healthline.com/health/stress/amygdala-hijack. An Amygdala Hijacking is when our emotional side completely takes over our reasoning section. Our brain believes it is doing this to protect us from experiencing a repeat of the earlier danger.

     For those of us with suppressed memories, the skill set to override the amygdala is not there. In the case of Complex PTSD, our brain or subconscious brain is reacting to whatever stimulus it has received that reminds us of an event that it feels it has encountered before, only frequently we can’t place the event.

      Let us throw another layer on child trauma. The human brain does not fully develop until we are about 25. That means if we were exposed to trauma or multiple traumatic experiences like me, it was being done in an undeveloped brain. In another layer still, the amygdala is acquiring reactionary information at the same time you are learning other day-to-day skills like tying your shoes, learning to read and write, acquiring social skills, learning math, and learning something like basic hygiene. That means that what could be a normal day-to-day activity can also trigger your reactionary response to go into defense mode, even when there is not a threat. Yah, childhood can fuck you up.

      PTSD runs on a scale, like life. It can range from low level—just jumpy, to high level—flash backs. There is also no way to put an event into a scale range. A car accident could cause no problems, or it could cause lots of problems. It is not the actual occurrence in and of itself that causes the PTSD. Rather, it is the individual’s brain and how it functioned at the time of the event. A witness to a shooting can suffer from PTSD as well as the victim of the shooting. Oddly, the perpetrator of the shooting may also suffer later in life. Even then, each can suffer for different reasons or multiple reasons.

     I love news channels that cover “Hero stories.”  These are great. A stranger jumps into the water to pull out a drowning person. Someone runs into a flaming building and saves people or pets. Fantastic stories! Pay attention to the hero’s account. They often say things like “I just needed to” or “I wasn’t thinking.” There are stories of people having unusual strength that say, “I don’t know how I …..”  This is a fight or flight reaction. If there is one similarity I have encountered in all of the PTSD sufferers I have met, it is that they were all in fight or fight when the event happened. All of them! Adrenaline was rushing, the body was on auto pilot, and logic and emotion were blurred together. That does not mean that PTSD will form, however. What happens next is usually what creates the side effects.

      PTSD is the residual effect of a trauma. Severe storms like hurricanes or tornados can be deadly, but it is often the debris or side effects of the storm that cause the most damage. I strongly recommend watching the 1996 movie “Twister”, with Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton. For those of you that have not seen it here is a clip: htWgm48 tps://youtu.be/N-49iT, Twister 1996 EF-4 Scene A.K.A Destruction of the drive-in scene. The clip shows how within just a few minutes lives can be changed forever. Frequently things that create a PTSD reaction are objects that were around when the trauma occurred. When we come across the object, our brain makes an association, and our body reacts physically. In that scene there were multiple objects that could send anyone of those people into a PTSD or a 5F reaction.

     The hub cap is an easy example. There is a chance none of those people will ever want to change a tire, again. Even a hub cap lying on the floor and not attached to a tire could spark a reaction. Let us take a look at other objects in the scene. What about a wrench? A dirty rag? Sounds can also be powerful triggers. The sound of metal rubbing or banging against something might cause a reaction. The sound of air pushing through a hose could create a Fight-Flight-Freeze (5F) reaction. There were also things we did not see in the movie like the smell of oil or gas. The sensation of the wind blowing in their hair. Any of those or other things could send one of those people back into the fear they felt, at that moment, and they may not know why.

     This is also not just a movie. Natural disasters cause billions of dollars of damage every year as well as take lives. Here is the link for deaths at the Nation Weather Service: https://www.weather.gov/hazstat/

     Figuring out that the reactions are PTSD can be complicated though. Misdiagnoses often occur. The process of diagnosing and often treatment is similar to an allergy. I have multiple people in my family that have food allergies, and things are frequently mixed into other foods like on a pizza or in a soup. I will use it as an example. 

     Jane Doe starts having some problems with her digestive system. She keeps getting an upset stomach, gas, and other issues like headaches. She starts talking to her friends, and her friends tell her she probably has an allergy. Jane thinks maybe they are right, but what could she be allergic to? She looks online, and wheat often causes these symptoms, so she stops eating bread, but keeps eating pizza, lasagna, and soups. Jane starts to feel a little better but is still having issues, so she makes an appointment with her doctor. The doctor confirms she is allergic to wheat and puts her on a medication so she can handle it better. This works for a little while, but Jane is still having issues. She goes back to her doctor. The doctor tells her she needs to cut wheat out completely—no more wheat for Jane. It is hard, but she does it. She works around where she eats, what she eats, and checks every food to make sure she will not be consuming it, and she is feeling so much better. Then she is out to lunch with her friend one day having a wonderful time. She tells the staff that she is allergic to gluten and that she cannot have it. They reassure her the special of the day is gluten free and bring her plate. Jane ends up in the emergency room before the day is over.

     PTSD often works this way. It is one to multiple events that lead to a diagnosis. Once the diagnosis is done, multiple ways of handling it are put in place. Even with science, education, and discipline, it can still create problems. Even if you know your triggers and do everything you can to avoid them one day when not expected a trigger could hit you and send you spiraling.

     I found when I could get the memories into the frontal lobes where thought and reason could process the emotions in a way that allowed my active thoughts and reasoning to override my subconscious reactions, I could handle things better. It is not a fun or an easy road to take, but potentially, it is the only one for recovery. I will talk about ayahuasca in a few chapters, but it does not skip this process; it just helps it along. Researchers are doing experiments now with magic mushrooms, and again, these experiments do not skip the processing. Both of these drugs activate multiple sections of the brain so they can talk to each other. Neither make the terror of our past traumas go away; however, they bring them out so we can address them with a fully developed reasoning brain.

     I am going to walk you through my brain for a moment. Please remember that every individual is unique, and what works for me may not work for someone else. Aside from having different triggers, the conditioning at the time the PTSD was developed also strongly impacts actions and reactions.

     Hopefully, you already read the chapter on child abuse. My conditioning during the formative years, when I was learning basic skills, is that: I’m not entitled to eat. I can only use a bathroom or bath at someone else’s discretion. I need to remain silent unless I am given permission to speak. I am not allowed to be upset, hurt, or in pain. Crying is punishable by more pain, and the best of all—I should remain hidden until I have approval to come out.  These things are all against my nature and my belief system. In my conscious brain, or frontal lobes, these things are wrong and abusive. The amygdala or subconscious part of my brain learned a separate lesson and created its own appropriate reactions. To some extent, it has been right. When I was locked up with no bathroom or food, silent, and hidden, the abuse would stop. When I was good and quiet enough for long enough, eventually someone would be nice to me. This is why when I’m triggered, my amygdala takes over and shuts me down. It has learned that the best way of protecting me is make sure I am still, quiet, and non-responsive (Freeze and/or Flop).

     I am a grown-up now. Going into “hiding,” when exposed to a triggering event, is not practical or wise. Fortunately, we do not have to unlearn things, which has been a popular belief. We just need to provide our reasoning section with positive reactions to override our impulse center.

      Think back to when you first learned to drive. You were confronted with lights, peddles, gears, and countless buttons. You first needed to get familiar with your surroundings and where what is, and then you learn what it does. You start driving slowly and gradually increase speed, learning to navigate turns, windshield wipers, and eventually traffic lights. Most new drivers go into a low level of fight or flight when they start to drive. Things are moving much faster, and there is more at stake than just getting from one place to another. Traffic lights are an example of exposure to triggering events. The light can be green, and you continue on course. The light turns yellow, and you may need to stop, but sometimes you can proceed with caution. Red lights are a full stop, but only for a moment. When you do not notice a red light, you slam on the breaks, and you need a moment to regroup before proceeding. You do not need to unlearn slamming on your breaks when faced with an unexpected red light, but you need to practice being more aware. Fortunately, our brains have the ability to override reactionary impulses. We just have to train it to do so. How many times have you not wanted to do something, like dishes or cooking dinner, but you do it anyway? It is like that only with more work. (Think of the bees.)

     Since triggers take you emotionally and mentally back to the place you were when the trauma occurred, it also dislodges the grip on reality. You can see this best in people with Dementia or Alzheimer’s. They frequently relive the past, and in the process do not acquire new memories of where they are currently. The new memories, if they do get created, are often a blur of the past and present. If they are exposed to what is perceived as a trauma during an episode, they probably won’t retain why they were upset. Although Dementia patients’ brains may not adapt to learning new coping skills, most of us can.

     One of the many things brought out in my therapy sessions is that I cannot spell. I also have some serious grammar and punctuation issues, LOL. It was explained by one of my therapists that my little undeveloped mind had enough to deal with during those years, and it could not separate needed education from day-to-day survival. As my memories started coming back, my spelling has improved, but I am still going to need to teach it again. This reteaching will probably not be easy, and I am going to feel like an idiot rewriting the same words over and over as an adult to get them through into my memory, but it is worth the work for me. I am not unlearning how to spell things wrong. I am relearning how to spell them correctly. This is what we need to do for our emotional responses—learn new ways of responding to old memories.

     I am going to bring up a lot of very uncomfortable subjects. Each chapter title will tell you what the subject is, and if you are not ready to deal with those subjects yet, don’t. This book is a tool to help bring out the stuff your brain has been hiding from you for a reason. The goal is to bring the information into your reasoning mind in a way that you can reprogram your reaction center. If you know you are not ready to deal with the following issues yet, don’t. When you are ready is the time to bring the darkness out and not before. If you try and force recovery before you are mentally and emotionally ready, you potentially could just create a new trauma. This new trauma will make recovery extremely difficult since it will encompass the other traumas and reinforce them. Then even a suggestion of getting better can throw you into a triggered state.

     The best examples of this are forced rehab or the “Scared Straight” program. Generally speaking, both were done to young people. In some cases, the kids did clean up, but in most cases, they went back to their lifestyles, only now with a worse attitude. They can still recover, but it is harder. Rehab always seems like a good idea for substance abuse, but it’s a coin flip as to its effectiveness. Most of the people I know that have been through rehab said they lied when called about their recovery. They just do not want to go back to rehab. Rehabs that treat the underlying causes of the substance abuse can be effective, but you need a willing candidate to open up their pain for therapy. If you make someone go that does not want to share, you are just throwing money away and wasting their time. They need to want to change and be willing to let their pain out.

Songs:

C.J. Luckey (@cjluckeydope) – The Power of Yet – Offical Music Video – Directed by Andre Kahmeyer https://youtu.be/J6CnrFvY94E?list=RDJ6CnrFvY94E

Big Block Singsong | Amazing https://youtu.be/GMQskvTPzNg?list=RDGMQskvTPzNg