Going through history, terrible things have happened to so many throughout the generations of mankind. Books are written describing events that are so horrifying that they seem fictitious. The ability for one human to hurt another is mind blowing. Not everyone that endures through a trauma ends up with PTSD though. This chapter addresses the “Post” part of PTSD. How what happens after can create long-lasting effects.

     Victims of rape, molestation, domestic violence, and abuse are told and trained not to talk about it. Perpetrators, family, friends and society would rather not discuss things that make them uncomfortable.

     Churches and clergy instruct their victims to forgive and pray about it. When people do come forward, they are often dismissed, ignored, or blamed for the aggressor’s actions. The courts are a strong deterrent for having people come forward. Too many public trials have been done where the victim is just revictimized for speaking up. Survivors are not only suffering from the trauma but also from having to keep the secret.

      Molestation, child abuse, and domestic violence are instructed secrets. We are taught and reminded that we need to keep these things secret. If we don’t, something bad will happen. This compounds the trauma with fear. That fear then becomes a type of trauma itself. It’s like shoving things in a closet when company comes over, thinking you will deal with the mess later. When company doesn’t find the mess, it’s easy to assume that the mess can be left there.

     Children are not born with guilt or shame. Women do not marry thinking they will be abused. We are taught that these things happen and it’s our responsibility to not make a fuss about it. If we just keep the mess hidden and out of public view things will get better.

     People that have lived through trauma are often taught indirectly as well as directly to keep secrets. This lesson can be learned from off-hand comments like: “It was in the past; get over it.”

     Even positive thinking gurus go on about “Just think of happy thoughts.” Churches are notorious for telling the individuals in pain that the key to healing is to just forgive and move on. Modern media also play a role in dismissing trauma. Think back to the movies and TV shows you have seen that involve a trauma. In a one-to-two-hours everything is better. This gives a strong distortion of what recovering from trauma actually looks like.

     Think of a time someone reached out and tried to talk about a subject that makes you uncomfortable. Did you dismiss them? Tell them to get a shrink? Tell them to get over it?

     Before I left home but after years of molestation and rapes I tried to talk to my mom about sex. She snapped at me. I think the phrase she used was: “We don’t talk about those things.” There is a really good chance if we would have, some of the trauma could have been prevented. As she got older, she realized talking was important for healing, as randomly one day she brought up a half century old rape.

     Comedians crack jokes about shrinks and infer that a counselor can handle anything – that is after all their job. I have found this not to be true. I have left therapists crying and/or mad. It felt like I was there to calm them down or comfort the trauma they just received from hearing about my life. Reaching out can be frustrating. One therapist was in such bad shape I was glad I didn’t tell her… she really wouldn’t be able to handle that.  

     Bad joke break – When you see birds flying in a “V” formation do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?…………..There are more birds on that side. Budumbum. They fly in that formation to save energy. Fighter Jets likewise use the same formation to save fuel. The lead bird or lead jet takes the brunt force of the air current then creates an updraft. This updraft means the other birds or jets do not have to work as hard. When the front bird starts to get tired it drops to the back, and another takes its place. The exchange of strength continues for the bird’s migration. 

     We can take turns being strong. For years people have told me to write a book, but I was not strong enough – THEN. I am today. The biggest advantage PTSD recovers’ have over your ‘average’ person is we know things are just a moment in time. While you still suffer it feel like the pain and unpredictability of PTSD will never end. In recovery you know it does.

     The best path to recovering is letting the secrets out. Sometimes that means letting someone else take the full force of the wind while you heal.  One day you could be strong enough to be the lead bird or… if you prefer, Fighter Jet.

     That is the concept of PTSD.Online and why I wanted it up before publishing a book. Part of keeping secrets is who do you talk to?

     I am pro therapy but the most healing came from talking to people that have lived through similar experiences. There’s a kind of head nod – an I feel you, kind of impression. They usually don’t tell you to “use your words” to describe your feelings, but can often ask were you feeling  ______ or ______, to help walk you through the pain. Tracking the level and types of emotions the trauma left behind is important, but it can take a couple of walkthroughs to identify each emotion and where it sits with what.

     Change does not happen overnight, but starting the conversation puts us on the right track. We do not need to share everything all at once; well maybe sometimes.

     My mind just got a visual of opening a closet that things have been repeatedly shoved into.  Sometimes it holds and you can pick things out but other times,….Everything falls out at once. Opening up and sharing promotes healing.

     People talk in group therapies because they are sitting in a room of other people that have experienced the same thing. AA is incredibly popular because it is an opportunity for alcoholics to get together and share with other alcoholics. VA’s have organized groups for veterans to feel comfortable sharing as well.

     If you don’t have access to a local support group you can use PTSD.Online. It seems overwhelming to clean out a cluttered closet but if you handle it like eating an Elephant – One bite at a time, it gets easier with time.