Some traumas feel like they will never end.  Covid-19 caused damage all over the globe. In its storm people had to make new choices for their lives. The destruction took lives, closed businesses, stopped trade, and threw the world into fear. Some were encouraged to grow, give, and in some cases learn gratitude. The storm is not over, years later we’re still feeling it’s effects.

     During the Covid 19 initial outbreak the fear of death probably affected everyone but as things progressed the impact hit the front-line workers and people in the lower socioeconomic area the hardest.

     What makes this trauma especially unequal and stressful is the attitude of the not affected. If you search through public media, you will find countless personalities broadcasting their views about how unnecessary the lockdowns were and how front-line workers should go back to work. 

     These individuals had the luxury of sitting at home with their income consistent, and their home unthreatened. They may have been inconvenienced by shortages of certain products but that was all. Most of the world had a much different experience.

        As a residential remodeler, I fell under government shutdowns. I originally borrowed money to survive through the closure but opening back up did not go well.

     When I could go back to work, my schedule filled quickly, but Covid was not over. More and more people became exposed. Clients would grudgingly have to cancel or re-schedule because they now have Covid.

     I myself had five quarantines. Two of which I got from job sites. I never tested positive, but if I was exposed, I needed to wait before going into someone else’s home.

     The supply chain back lash, also created a scheduling nightmare. Materials were difficult or impossible to find. Deliveries were almost always late. This made jobs harder to start or finish. These problems turned a steady income into… no income.

       The government funding that was available to business’ was limited and most went to companies that could afford attorneys to go through all of the legal hoops. Small businesses like mine did not qualify. 

     Even through the shutdowns, buisness bills continued. When you own a buisness you have licensing, permits, for some licenses classes, registrations, insurances, bonds; being a buisness owner is expensive. 

     Some contractors charged a deposit and if the client canceled they kept the money. I didn’t not have the stomach for taking someone’s money; especially when they just contracted Covid.

     The pandemic put me back into temp work to cover my buisness expenses. The shutdowns ended but Covid trauma continued.

     The financial impacts of Covid were devastating to millions but there is no way to measure the emotion toll it took on families.

     I talked to two mothers that feared for their children. One of the mothers said she slept with her little one on her chest so she could hear him breathing. Her child has asthma, and although young, Covid could take his life. Another mother had a child with extreme germ phobias and a heart condition.

     Every day these mothers sent their kids to school they feared that a Covid exposure could destroy their families. Both mothers were thankful the schools shut down. They had to quit working, but they could keep their children safe. 

     Child Covid cases were initially not a concern. In the fight to shut down and reopen schools the argument was that children did not die from Covid. Aside from the ones that would have, children do not live in bubbles.

     A child with no symptoms could transmit to their teachers, other staff at the schools, parents, and grandparents. Those individuals could then pass it on to people they work with and are exposed to. The list of people that could have been infected is countless. It felt like another slap to our educators.

     Most of the politicians screaming that the schools should open had nannies. They can’t even take care of their own kids, let alone a room full of little incubators during a global pandemic.

     I’ve never understood how some that can’t take care of two kids thinks one person should take care of and educate 25-50 with limited assistance. To all educators and assistants – Thank you for your service!

     Like so many others I couldn’t keep up with the bills. I tried to use my time wisely. I wrote the first draft of PTSD-Sucks during quarantine. It was even edited by a professional editor. He didn’t think Covid was an issue, so I should leave it out of the book.

     My Bull Shit meter should have gone off. The majority of global civilizations were sick, dying, struggling for food. But to someone in the higher income level that could have things delivered, it was “no big deal”.  As mentioned earlier, I never published that version of the book.

     It was clear I wasn’t going to make it. I let all my licenses and insurances go. I had told myself I would go back to school and continue my education when I hit fifty. I was close enough to that marker.

     I thought about my life, all that I had gone through, the recovery from PTSD that I had achieved and decided on Sociology. 

     I took a seasonal graveyard forklifting job to cover school. I slept in my car between work and classes and showered at the gym. 

     I had earned my Paralegal, mediation, and BS in Justice working temp jobs and overcoming flashing backs. A little homelessness wasn’t going to deter me.  

     I did get accepted in one graduate program, but when I interviewed for the other, the subject changed quickly. It wasn’t about if I could do the work or even if I was suited for the field. It was MONEY – all they seemed to care about was if I could pay for years of classes. I had nothing.

     I thought I could do handyman work on the side. I finished a job one day and when I went to return the tools I was using – all of my other tools were gone.

     Someone broke in and took everything I had to start over. I was hart broke.

     Living in my car, trying to go to school, working at a graveyard seasonal job that ended and it all felt in vain.

     This is where my current life snuck in. I learned balloons as a child and had done them occasionally for friends, relatives at their church or other events. Just a skill.

     I had taken balloons out a couple of times to cheer people up from Covid…some people tipped, Hmm….

Time for a new chapter….